From the day my son was born, there was nothing but unconditional love. I was still an addict at this time, absorbed in my own selfish cycle of self-destruction, but when Sam entered my life, this was the beginning of a pivotal change within me. Ultimately, he gave me the courage and the motivation to turn my life around when I was at my lowest, to take the necessary steps to become the mother he needed. As he grew and began to develop into the young man he was becoming, I was initially surprised to find we had little in common. Even so, we were bonded from the beginning and would often be in each other’s company: evenings at the cinema followed by dinner out were regular occurrences.
Sensitive, meticulous and emotionally intelligent, Sam was practically the opposite of myself at his age. Where I struggled with reading comprehension and gravitated towards athletics and leadership roles, Sam took to reading, with little interest in sports or leading others. Where I was energetic, determined and approached problems directly, Sam was methodical, strategic, and in possession of a quiet yet steadfast patience of his own which he applied to subjects that grabbed his attention. I even tried to nudge him along a different path, thinking he merely needed a guiding hand to push him towards the things he should care about. But Sam had favorites of his own, and better still, the strength of character to stick to them, even in the face of influences both familiar and new.
It was undeniable that Sam and I had differing temperaments, yet these differences between us somehow brought us closer together. From an early age, Sam was quite compliant and easygoing, but he never chased my approval. And while I did try to shape him to be more driven as I was, eventually I found myself becoming more influenced by his interests; his creativity and diversity as a musician and photographer, his fastidious pursuit of knowledge as an avid reader, and perhaps above all else, his ability to appreciate the simplicity of life’s beauty in all its many forms. Seeing the world through my son’s eyes was one of the greatest gifts I could have received. This afforded me the clarity to slow down and appreciate the power of being present in a moment, to marvel at the silent beauty of a setting sun or the stillness of a quiet morning in my garden amongst plants and flowers alike. Sam is my rock, my reason, my second chance. In a way, I am still in awe of the wonderful man he has become now at the age of 30 and all that he has taught me about living, but I understand perhaps above all else, that my Sam has made every day of my life that much brighter.